The Uncensored Earth Diary of AximiliEsgarrouthI
by Birdie num num
Summary: Ah yes, my ax diaries revised and made more PG13! Fear not, Ax in this story is still erm, 'flaming' and it has not lost any of it's original hilarity. It's just a bit more...erm...'clean'...lol!
1. Just got here on Earth

The Earth Diary of Aximili Esgarrouth Isthill...

Entry 1

Kidnapped from dome by stupid human youths who were convinced they were rescuing me. Was thinking of setting up underwater pad! Crap! Elfangor dead. Shame really. Never gave me password to Yeerk bank account! On plus side, now have nice forest zone. Am sharing it with hawk nothlit human male Tobias. He keeps having nightmares and falling out of tree. Rather pathetically cute, really... Isolation beginning to wear on me. On plus side am best looking male andalite on planet. (Every one else being pretty much dead). Might have competition though...Visser Three has muscular warrior andalite host. Hmm...wait...let me think... Yes! Found legal loophole to kill Visser Three! He killed was the one who killed Elfangor, so now I have revenge as front for destroying opponent. Isolation more extreme than I thought. The other day while Prince Jake was telling battle plans in barn, he began to look strangely attractive to me. Must resist homosexual interspecies urges... becoming difficult though... Oh, well. If I get too desparate...

bah...I don't know what I'll do...

Probably just have a good cry...

Maybe Cassie will go out with me. Went to her home last night to enjoy diabolically delicious 'Chilli' substance. Had nice stargazing moment too!

Cannot develope love for humans! Must remember law of Seerow's Kindness!  
Will write more later...  
Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, Aristh


	2. Dapsen logging!

DISCLAIMER: No...I don't own the Animorphs. I didn't write 'em. Mademoiselle K. A. Applegate, did. God bless her. She's a great 'ol gal. Though Ax is my love slave. Just kidding...sigh I only wish he was. tear sniffle Enjoy.

Entry 2

Feel like screaming now. Visser Three is logging woods around here.

He's trying to drive me and the "other Andalite bandits" out.

Stupid Twit! Abomination my blue butt! Definitely Twit!

I can't believe I ever had dreams of going out with him.

Stupid Aximili! Stupid! I can't believe I just wrote that! If my Andalite superiors ever see this...

Oh well. I'll just have to take them out to Cinnabon.

Oh what I have to do for family honor!

Humans have the right idea. They just don't care.

Screw Seerow's Kindness!

Ugh...I just had a thought...what if I have to go out with Lirem?

Ugh ugh ugh! He's waaaay to old!

I'd rather go out with Visser Three...

Hmm...might be nice...he's so...domineering.

Oooh! Getting all shivery now! So pleasant...the thoughts..they- AAAH MARCO!

Okay. Had a scare there. Little annoying human Marco reading over my shoulder!

Says he only read up to 'Visser Three is logging woods around here'. The little primate.

Speaking of small furry things there are little squirrels and rabbits running by every few minutes. They're running away from that damn Dapsen logging company. Stupid Yeerks.

Nasty little parasites. A bit of salt will do them some good!

I got run over by a damn deer! Some silly doe and her baby. Honestly, you'd think they would see the giant furry blue guy.

Almost got raped by buck! Mistook me for doe.

Told him in thoughtspeak she went other way.

I guess they're all color blind or something.

Cassie most upset about logging. The cute little nature lover. Made me want to just snog her like a snoggeling snogger when she started talking about "How could Visser Three do this! He's destroying an entire ecosystem!" Makes me just goggle eye at her when her little face reddens up with the injustices of the universe.

Love her brown skin. Much better than the nasty, pasty white skin of the other humans. Honestly, you've got to have a little color now, haven't you?

Also reminds me of chocolate. Mmm. Chocolate Cassie.

Must resist human hunger/chocolately passion!

Prince Jake so kind...and loving...and forgiving, and brave, and noble, and he's got that slow smile, and those muscular shoulders, and that dependable look in his eyes and you just know you can rely on him and-

Sorry. Got carried away. Just...thinking...again...

UGH! AWW MAN! TOBIAS!

Sorry about that. Tobias having birdie runs. Logging sounds making him nervous, poor little thing. He flew over me while I was writing. Just happened to crap as he did. Now have white gloopy bird feces on my stalk eyes. Must go clean up. About to go on mission anyway. So embarrassing. Stupid Marco laughing. Ow! I think I got some bird doodie in my eye! Beginning to sting! Must go clean up! Must hurry! Fast fast fast! Will ow! Write aah! More ow ow ow oooh! Later! Bye!

Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, Aristh


	3. Peeping Tomsthough not really Tom!, Mich...

DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'em. Didn't write 'em. Just love 'em!

I'd like to apologize to my lovely fans who had to wait.

Here we go.

Entry 3

Huh. Well, well. Surprise, surprise. Turns out some human youth Marco's known all his life happens to be a hundred thousand year old android from a whole race of hundred thousand year old canine loving androids...

In other news, Prince Jake and Cassie appear to be getting only closer. Hmph! I suppose she's just going to pretend that my full frontal snog never happened. She just pretended to be shocked afterwards and told me she wouldn't tell Jake, though right after I kissed her she so swooned. I must admit, however, that I am quite hurt she has indeed chosen Prince Jake over me. Sigh...it's always the rank that wins... And yet, I could be slave to her much more.

Though...Jake... Prince Jake... is...

kind and sweet and loving and brave and masculine and strong and reliable and sensible and dependable and so many other words that end in 'able'...

Sorry. Ahem.

Missions only getting scarier. This Erek is handy though. My arm got torn clean off of my shoulder and he put it back on. Was most grateful as had 'screaming vecol moment'. Could have morphed but...oh well. By the way, idea of super powerful android with thousands of years of...experience...most sexy!

And he can't hurt anyone...

Oh yes...

Okay...straying into what Marco calls "California". I can't help it though.

It's just the...the immense...ISOLATION! AAAAAAH!

Must get make out session. Must get some type of physical comfort and relief from intense social and environmental stress! OW! Sorry.

Had to slap myself back into sanity. I apologize for that most primitive outburst. Just...lonely... sigh oh well. My human morph appears to attract human females like taxxons to...well...other taxxons. Ugh. shudder. Grody comparison.

Tobias says he quite agrees with me-HEY! STOP READING!

The...the cute little...nothlit...

Poor Tobias. He doesn't even have the ability to morph human and snog Rachel...

Hey wait a Visser Three wearing a tree costume minute! Why am I feeling sorry for him? He's loved even though he's a bird now! Forget him! And with spring coming and his bird body, he has perfect excuse to...

Come to think of it...THAT'S why he was in that cage with that female redtail in Cassie's barn! Comforting the sick my furry blue rump!

Oh you little feathered cheat! That's it! That is just the limit! I'm telling Rachel!

Oh no! No mercy for you Tobias! No no! Don't try to give me piteous looks! I'm telling her-HEY! I SAID STOP READING MY DIARY OVER MY SHOULDER!

From now on, I'm only wasting my pity on... me!

...And that Michael Jackson human. He's just so...pathetic. Oh the sorrow! Andalites on the home world worrying about stupid Yeerk slaves when there are humans deforming and mutilating themselves with plastic nasal coverings! Oh the humanity!

Thank goodness Andalites don't have protruding noses. Or breasts, for the matter of that. Rather pointless things, breasts. What are they supposed to be limbs or something? Don't tell me humans are still evolving! Ugh!

What's that Tobias? They're used for what! Ooh! Oh I see now! Thus the whole nipple concept...hmmm...obviously mouths can be used for other things than eating cinnabons-WAIT A VISSER NUKING MINUTE! I SAID STOP READING OVER MY SHOULDER!

That absolutely does it! I will not write anymore until I can be sure SOMEONE'S little prying yellow eyes are not peeking!

AHA! So I don't tell Rachel eh? That's the deal!

Huh! You might have to make a better deal than that...

What about Prince Jake's nightly lone skinny dipping sessions at the beach- OH BABY YESSSS!

Alright, alright you can read, I won't tell Rachel, I'm your slave for life, not really on that first thing I said, yes yes yes! Now SHOW ME WHERE HE GOES!

Gotta go. Instincts calling. Bye bye. Will write more later. Love ya. Love the whole world right now!

Aximili-E.I.- can't write fullll name cand;'t wriete, can'st theenk straaight ssor happpey!

Erek: (far off) DANGER JAKE BERENSON! DANGER!

Peace and love to all you who reviewed and R lovin' it! I'm lovin' it too! NOW GO REVIEW MORE!


	4. Prince Jake and a Not So Startling Confe...

DISCLAIMER: Didn't create Animorphs. All that guff.

Okay. Now onto the fun stuff.

Jinako-chan; this goes out to you babe!

Entry 5

HAHAHAHAHAAAA! HAAAA!

Rachel's allergic to crocodile morph! OH HAAAAHAAHAAA!

Figures she would be allergic to something. Everyone has their weaknessess!

Have regained will to live, as Prince Jake has been friendlier lately. He WINKED at me!

Of course, it was probably in a nonsexual context, but it was still a wink I've been having dreams about.

He came upon me in the woods yesterday while I was doing my morning ritual. I was bending over, bowing as usual, when my eyestalks turned around and

Oh! Prince Jake! Blush

"Oh. Hi Ax man. Hope I didn't scare you." Followed by that slow smile.

No. I thought to myself. You never could.

Though it gives me shivers during battles when he's in tiger morph and you can see all those muscles flexing, and he's got that blood thirsty rage look in his eyes.

Oh Prince Jake! Stay nice!

By the way! So unfair! He jumped on Visser Three's back once! Of course, it was an attack, but I could just imagine feeling those strong feline paws grabbing me, claws retracted...

The human Madonna best captures my emotions.

I fell in love with a beautiful stranger!

I have had that song stuck in my head all day. I was searching for Tobias and caught him spying on Rachel, through her window. She was dancing in her room to that song, having what Tobias calls a "personal strip tease".

"I looked into your eyes. And my world came crashing down!" She has a powerful voice, but it's so off key! Tobias says he doesn't care.

I was disgusted, and left. After twenty minutes. She played it over and over and over. And she stripped further and further and further.

Well, it was so awful it was...fascinating.

Poor little bird nothlit Tobias. Couln't fly afterwards. Little brain all wasted.

Stupid primate song...

But it's just so catchy! It just sticks in your brain like a big, soggy Yeerk!

To know youuuuu! Is to love youuuu- AAAH! RACHEL!

(What is she doing here! Oh. She's visiting Tobias! The little bugger! He didn't even warn me!)

I BEG YOUR PARDON!

IT'S ABSOLUTELY NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! THAT'S WHAT!

Uh...I mean...I uh...I didn't mean to shout Rachel, really!

Well. I have decided dancing is...a nice human concept.

Well, I'm sure lots of other human females dance in their under- I MEAN, I'M SURE THAT I COULD'VE GOT THOSE SAME MOVES ANYWHERE.

WELL IT'S JUST A COINCIDENCE THAT YOU HAPPENED TO BE LISTENING TO THAT SONG!

What? Now you are just being ridiculous! Why would I want to watch YOU!

Wait! No! NO! I DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY! RACHEL! WAIT!

OW!

Oooh! That! That! That absolute fat waddling Taxxon! She punched me!

Wonderful! Now I look like that Quasimodo creature in that movie I watched with Cassie! (That was so two Earth days ago, by the way! I am so over crawling back to her!)

Tobias is laughing, perched up in his tree! Yes you go ahead and have a good laugh! We'll see how much you laugh when I tell her what a little spying pervert you are!

What if I watched with you! I'm an Andalite for crying out loud! At least I'm not a human like SOME PEOPLE!

OHO YES YOU DID! YOU WERE WATCHING HER TOBIAS SO STOP TRYING TO HIDE!

HA! ANIMAL INSTINCT! YOU CAN'T USE THAT EXCUSE ON ME! I MADE THAT EXCUSE!

Oh no! Don't try to give me piteous looks. I took a punch for you! You owe me big! Next time I catch you ogling outside her window I'm going to tell!

AAAH! PRINCE JAKE IS COMING! HE'S WALKING THIS WAY RIGHT NOW! OOOH!

Oh, he's so...majestic in the woods. Like that deer. Except, without the mistaken identity and VIOLATION!

Oh, if only...

Wait...

That's it.

Hee hee! That's it!

I AM SUCH A GENIUS!

All I have to do is acquire Cassie! It's so simple!

Hmm...may have to crawl back to her one last time...

Will write more later as Prince Jake has come to simply 'chill'. A rare occurence; him coming around with no particulare mission in mind. Apparently he just wanted to get out of the same house with Tom. Poor, noble, gentle, kind... Ahem. Bye.  
Aximili Esgarrouth Isthill, Aristh.

Hope yall liked that. I don't think it was as good. Tobias gets his morphing powers back in the next one so uh...I think it will be pret-ty interesting! (No, nothing is going to go on between Ax and Tobias! I'm not that pervy! I believe in keeping it OUT of the family, if you know what I mean!)

And yes! It would still count if your relatives were from another planet! Shame on all you pervy inbreeders out there!

Now...go review please!


	5. Hunchback of Notre Dome

DISCLAIMER: Didn't create Animorphs. All that guff.

Okay. Now onto the fun stuff.

Jinako-chan; this goes out to you babe!

Entry 5

HAHAHAHAHAAAA! HAAAA!

Rachel's allergic to crocodile morph! OH HAAAAHAAHAAA!

Figures she would be allergic to something. Everyone has their weaknessess!

Have regained will to live, as Prince Jake has been friendlier lately. He WINKED at me!

Of course, it was probably in a nonsexual context, but it was still a wink I've been having dreams about.

He came upon me in the woods yesterday while I was doing my morning ritual. I was bending over, bowing as usual, when my eyestalks turned around and

Oh! Prince Jake! Blush

"Oh. Hi Ax man. Hope I didn't scare you." Followed by that slow smile.

No. I thought to myself. You never could.

Though it gives me shivers during battles when he's in tiger morph and you can see all those muscles flexing, and he's got that blood thirsty rage look in his eyes.

Oh Prince Jake! Stay nice!

By the way! So unfair! He jumped on Visser Three's back once! Of course, it was an attack, but I could just imagine feeling those strong feline paws grabbing me, claws retracted...

The human Madonna best captures my emotions.

I fell in love with a beautiful stranger!

I have had that song stuck in my head all day. I was searching for Tobias and caught him spying on Rachel, through her window. She was dancing in her room to that song, having what Tobias calls a "personal strip tease".

"I looked into your eyes. And my world came crashing down!" She has a powerful voice, but it's so off key! Tobias says he doesn't care.

I was disgusted, and left. After twenty minutes. She played it over and over and over. And she stripped further and further and further.

Well, it was so awful it was...fascinating.

Poor little bird nothlit Tobias. Couln't fly afterwards. Little brain all wasted.

Stupid primate song...

But it's just so catchy! It just sticks in your brain like a big, soggy Yeerk!

To know youuuuu! Is to love youuuu- AAAH! RACHEL!

(What is she doing here! Oh. She's visiting Tobias! The little bugger! He didn't even warn me!)

I BEG YOUR PARDON!

IT'S ABSOLUTELY NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! THAT'S WHAT!

Uh...I mean...I uh...I didn't mean to shout Rachel, really!

Well. I have decided dancing is...a nice human concept.

Well, I'm sure lots of other human females dance in their under- I MEAN, I'M SURE THAT I COULD'VE GOT THOSE SAME MOVES ANYWHERE.

WELL IT'S JUST A COINCIDENCE THAT YOU HAPPENED TO BE LISTENING TO THAT SONG!

What? Now you are just being ridiculous! Why would I want to watch YOU!

Wait! No! NO! I DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY! RACHEL! WAIT!

OW!

Oooh! That! That! That absolute fat waddling Taxxon! She punched me!

Wonderful! Now I look like that Quasimodo creature in that movie I watched with Cassie! (That was so two Earth days ago, by the way! I am so over crawling back to her!)

Tobias is laughing, perched up in his tree! Yes you go ahead and have a good laugh! We'll see how much you laugh when I tell her what a little spying pervert you are!

What if I watched with you! I'm an Andalite for crying out loud! At least I'm not a human like SOME PEOPLE!

OHO YES YOU DID! YOU WERE WATCHING HER TOBIAS SO STOP TRYING TO HIDE!

HA! ANIMAL INSTINCT! YOU CAN'T USE THAT EXCUSE ON ME! I MADE THAT EXCUSE!

Oh no! Don't try to give me piteous looks. I took a punch for you! You owe me big! Next time I catch you ogling outside her window I'm going to tell!

AAAH! PRINCE JAKE IS COMING! HE'S WALKING THIS WAY RIGHT NOW! OOOH!

Oh, he's so...majestic in the woods. Like that deer. Except, without the mistaken identity and VIOLATION!

Oh, if only...

Wait...

That's it.

Hee hee! That's it!

I AM SUCH A GENIUS!

All I have to do is acquire Cassie! It's so simple!

Hmm...may have to crawl back to her one last time...

Will write more later as Prince Jake has come to simply 'chill'. A rare occurence; him coming around with no particulare mission in mind. Apparently he just wanted to get out of the same house with Tom. Poor, noble, gentle, kind... Ahem. Bye.  
Aximili Esgarrouth Isthill, Aristh.

Hope yall liked that. I don't think it was as good. Tobias gets his morphing powers back in the next one so uh...I think it will be pret-ty interesting! (No, nothing is going to go on between Ax and Tobias! I'm not that pervy! I believe in keeping it OUT of the family, if you know what I mean!)

And yes! It would still count if your relatives were from another planet! Shame on all you pervy inbreeders out there!

Now...go review please!


	6. Ride 'em Cowgirl!

DISCLAIMER: Same as usual. I don't see why I have to write this anyway. It's pretty bloody obvious I didn't write the Animorphs! I'm not K.A. Applegate! (Peace be upon her!) This one's for Jinako-chan, Wraithlord42, Dr. Biji and Tigerlily-2250! Glad yall like it! I'd also like to dedicate this to my a rock awesome writer, Korean Pearl! Rock on babe! Enjoy!  
  
Entry 6  
  
Managed to acquire Cassie after long huggy feely snogging session. So annoying. Honestly, you'd think she'd get the hint. Told her it was over between us.  
  
Laughed in my face and said "Yeah Ax baby, just like last time, right?!"  
  
Then I remembered I had already acquired her when I acquired all the Animorphs except Tobias and mixed their DNA to form my normal human morph.  
  
Damn!  
  
Stupid pointless mission!  
  
I hate females.  
  
I think I may just become 100% homosexual by the end of this Earth year, if I'm still stuck on this planet.  
  
Morphed Cassie. Convinced Tobias to look out for me, while I wooed Prince Jake with my morph.

Ax, this is wrong and you know it! You should have asked Cassie for permission!

Ha! As if she'd have given it!

But Ax, this is morphing for...personal reasons! I turned and looked at him with all four eyes.

So? It's no different than what you and Rachel do!  
  
Ah yes! I forgot to mention this but Tobiasgothismorphingpowersbackbecauseherescuedthesetwohork- bajirfromtheyeerksandhelpedthemgettoasafeplaceandnowthey'restartingalittlefr eehorkbajircolonyandforhisservicestheEllimistgavehimbackhispowers,andyesit' s truetheEllimistexistsbecauseIsawhimwithmyownfoureyesandhewasallhugeandshinya ndprettyandIjustfeltsojealousbecauseIthoughttomyself"Idon'thaveaniceshinybu b blelikethatandmaybeifIdid,PrinceJakewouldfindme  
  
sexy...  
  
Phew! I'm so glad I got that little bit of Important Information out of the way! Well, hurrah! Tobias can morph again, and as I was saying before all that, he and Rachel had been using the Ellimist's gift in a very...personal way.  
  
I caught them in the barn (on a non save Earth meeting moment!) up in the hay, both human, making out. And that's not the only time I caught Tobias using morphing for less than noble reasons! The other day, I walked in a horse stall in the barn (with Cassie, reason why not important!!! Forget it!!)  
  
Tobias handcuffed in a stall, with a harness on him, and a saddle.  
  
And who else would be in that saddle...but Rachel.  
  
She was whipping him with a riding crop and he looked rather like he was enjoying it in the most disturbing way.  
  
"Oh yeah that's right! You feathery little trollope! You're mine!" She leaned over and sadistically bit him on the back of his neck.  
  
He actually...whinnied. Like a...horse.  
  
smirk...smirk  
  
Cassie and I were just a tad surprised. Even more surprised was Marco, who had been up in the hay, video taping it all. And Prince Jake, who had been following myself and Cassie to the barn.  
  
Let's just say we all said, "You don't ask me, I won't ask you." and were rather embarrassed, and slowly all walked away. Prince Jake says he's a little confused right now, and we will have a meeting to discuss all of this later.  
  
I have plenty to discuss! Rachel is just so selfish! She's bothering my poor little nothlit and trying to guilt him into being human so he can be her Eternal Shag Slave for the rest of his life!  
  
Stupid Taxxon! I still have that bump! It's going down nicely though. Prince Jake said so himself! When I tried to tempt him with with Cassie's body!  
  
As I was saying, I climbed up in Cassie's room, knocked her out with the flat of my tail blade, tied her up, stuffed her in the closet, and morphed her. I had to go through her drawers and find some clothing. It took a while to get everything on right. Though the bra was a little tricky.  
  
Honestly, how do you get those things to stay in the little domes?!  
  
Got it all right in the end. Sat on the end of the bed and waited for Prince Jake to show up. I had prearranged, telling Cassie that I wanted to have a talk with her and Prince Jake at her house. Told her I was having doubts about fighting. HA! As if!  
  
Prince Jake came in. Cassie's mother showed had him to Cassie's room. "Cassie sweetie! Jake's here!"

I smiled "Hello Prince- I mean Jake."

Jake, (dare I call him just that?!) laughed and sat down next to me. "Whoa Cassie! You sounded just like Ax! That was a good impression of him!"

I grinned. "Ah, thank you, Pri- uh, Jake."

He laughed again. "So where is Ax, anyways?"

"He changed his mind, said he had a little talk with Tobias."  
  
I had rehearsed this.  
  
Jake nodded. "Well. That's great! We need Ax!"

I felt my face flush. Warm feelings crept into my heart. "Thank you."

"What?" "Uh! I mean, thank you for coming!" I stood up.

Cassie's body was nervous; adrenaline was pumping through it.

"Are you okay Cassie?" He stood too. He PUT HIS ARMS AROUND ME!!! His big, soft brown eyes looked into mine. I nearly died right there.

"Oh...never better." I managed. My human voice had squeaked it out. I didn't know human voices could hit that high.

He grinned and blushed. He stepped away. (No!)

"Sorry. I didn't mean to get to close, I just thought, you know, since we made out last week..."

"You made out with her?!" I yelled. Jake's eyes went wide.

"I mean...uh...me?!" He stared at me, his eyes narrowed. "Marco?! Man! This is NOT funny Marco! Where's Cassie?! I guess she's just going to come out and start laughing too!"

"Oh! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA...HA!" I added on for good measure. "Ha ha Jake! You're so easy!"

"So it is Marco!"

"No. It's really me, Jake." I said, and wrapped my arms around his middle. He was so warm!

He grinned. "Good. 'Cause I'm about to do something Marco really wouldn't like!" He leaned in.

I sucked in my breath. Was he going to  
  
daaa daaaaaaa! da da daa daaa da daaaaaaa! da da daaa daaaaaaaaaa! da da daa da daaaaaaaaaaa! da daaaaaaaaa!  
  
stars stars  
  
stars little floating hearties!!!  
  
stars  
  
little hearts stars

more little floating hearts...  
  
stars  
  
stars ** HE KISSED MEEEEEEEEEEE!**  
  
stars stars  
  
(Birdie num num looks at watch, sighs,) more little hearts...  
  
stars  
  
horny Ax...  
  
watch out!!!  
  
little floating hearts stars  
  
stars...

Ax/Cassie's foot actually points up behind him!

It was warm, and wet, and passionate, hungry kissing! He practically devoured me! It was like being eaten and eating at the same time! My chest was next to his: Cassie's heart beating like a rabbit's and Jake's heart roaring. I could feel it through my chest.

We kissed for about four minutes straight.

I finally figured out how to breathe while kissing after a few seconds.

After that, there was no stopping me!

I pushed Prince Jake onto the bed. He looked surprised. Oh I wanted him. I climbed on him, and pulled my shirt off.

"Whoa! Cassie! Whoa wait!" He began to sit up.

"What?" I said.

"I...we...I'm not..." He blushed. "Cassie, I'm...in middle school. I'm just not...ready...for that yet..."  
  
Huh?  
  
To say the least, Prince Jake politely moved me off of him, then he went off to his house.  
  
I demorphed and flew home, already sobbing inside. Saw Rachel and Tobias making out in human morph. They looked up and saw me. Tobias called out to me, but I ran away.  
  
That was the absolute last straw! Tobias had love! Tobias, who was a nothlit, had love, but I didn't!!!  
  
I spent the rest of the day sobbing my hearts out.

Am doing better now.

Tobias came by with big box of chocolates and a tub of substance called "Ben and Jerry's". I told him to leave, as nothing could ever take away the pain.

Then gorged on chocolate and "ice cream" after he left.

Hours later, woke up, fur covered in ice cream with chocolate bars stuck to fur. So grody and embarrassing.

Hey...wait a minute...I know I'm forgetting something!  
  
Remembered I had left Cassie tied up in closet.  
  
Morphed harrier, flew to her house, and freed her. Thankfully she was still knocked out. I woke her up and told her she had tripped over objects in her room and hit her head on her desk. She believed me.  
  
I think so to think of it, yeah, she was probably just playing along.  
  
Oh dear...  
  
Heh heh heh! Prince Jake would never believe her if she told him I had morphed her...he'd just think it was an excuse for her kinky behavior.  
  
Went back to woods and was glad to demorph to Andalite. All other morphs feel so wrong right now. What a fool I was. Stealing Cassie's DNA. Morphing her. Allowing Prince Jake to see her "private domeships". Poor Cassie.  
  
But much worse...sigh oh so much worse...  
  
Is that it didn't work! I mean, come on! I had an attractive specimen! I watched Discovery Channel with Cassie and the humans on it assured that an attractive female was all you needed on planet Earth to get a male to mount it.  
  
Dammit! Prince Jake must not find Cassie attractive enough! Maybe Rachel...  
  
No...Tobias tells me that they're cousins....really? They are? Hmm...didn't know that...thanks for telling me! Seriously! That would have been soooo embarrassing!  
  
Well goodness Tobias, you don't need to get so upset! Of course she's yours!  
  
Well, I didn't know they were related! And it's not as if I've done anything with Rachel yet anyway! Goodness! I'm not some perverse relative humper!  
  
No...we DO NOT marry cousins on my planet! We believe in keeping it out of the family, if you catch my meaning...heh heh...yes...  
  
Well I just don't know what to do...  
  
What do you mean Prince Jake might just like me for me?  
  
Oh don't be so ridiculous! He couldn't possibly like me! He likes Cassie!  
  
sigh  
  
Feeling horny again.  
  
Tobias? Stop reading. Good. Go hunt!  
  
Thank goodness he's gone.  
  
I...I lost control today...  
  
Was having a discussion with my tree. You see, Andalites have family trees. We had one, Elfangor and I and our parents ( read the andalite chronicles by K.A. Applegate!). You normally just talk to it and tell it your problems. Sort of a therapy.  
  
Anyway, I was talking to my wooden therapist, when suddenly, (I have no idea why!) I began to stroke the tree and rub it, and rub myself on it, and then, all of a sudden...I was...well...humping it.  
  
It must be some basic instinct...  
  
Felt much better after though! Will have to go tree humping again some time. Think I will do so now!  
  
Aximili Esgarrouth Isthill, Aristh.


	7. It's all out now! No more closet for mee...

DISCLAIMER; I don't own the animorphs. i didn't create 'em. I just love 'em.

AX IS MY BABYYYY!

Okay, dedication time. I'd like to dedicate this to all my fansies! All of you who had the sentience to review as well!

Wraithlord 42, you rock! Keep writing!

Jinako-chan you my homiieee!

This one also especially goes out to my BFF Lulukins or Pebbled Sky!

Okay. Now story time! Gather round children!

; ) Hee hee! Elf smiley with hat and beard! Or dwarf! Whatever! DANCING KIRBYS! WHOO! GO KIRBY! GO KIRBY!

( ' ' ) ( ' ') ( ' ' ) ( ' ' )

UH UH! GO KIRBY!

Sorry...

Entry 7

Our most recent mission was most humiliating! Went all the way out to what Marco calls "the boondocks" to site 51 or zone 50 or some silly human name to find a vessel only to discover it was an old Andalite toilet. Was really quite nice. In moderate condition. A cute little antique. Only about 50 Earth years old. Would have liked to take it with me, but there was no time. Besides, I'm really quite used to using the bushes now.

Fun...

Well we had our 'meeting' to 'discuss' our 'problems', though it was rather akward. I used this as an opportunity to tell my fellow fighters of my 'little secret'.

This is a little how it went. You will not, of course, find this discussion in any of the Animorph books. I don't think Prince Jake completely told K.A. Applegate everything...yes...probably a good thing that he didn't...

As a matter of fact, upon finishing this discussion. You will forget that you ever read this.

You will also get me a cinnamon bun...

And an unconscious Visser Three...

Look into my big, pretty green eyes...yes...

"Well guys, I think we all now why we're here." Prince Jake began the meeting.

We were all at the barn.

Everyone was standing at least a foot apart, in a circle. Except Rachel, who was clutched on to Tobias exactly like the way a Koala bear holds on to a euculyptus tree. He was in human morph, and standing quite strong, surprisingly. After all, Rachel had to be at least 110 pounds.

But of course, you have to exclude Rachel. She's just...not like the others...

Other than that, everyone seemed shy; too afraid to say anything.

There was silence for a while.

"Guys." Cassie said. "I think we all need to just...open up with eachother!"

Everyone stared fearfully at her.

"We can better fight the Yeerks this way; if we know everything about eachother."

"Well why don't you start then!" Rachel snapped.

"Uh...well...okay..." She blushed and looked as though she seriously regretted saying her previous words.

"I, um, I uh..."

"No." Marco said, "I'll start."

He began to sob. "I-I" Sob. "I'm addicted to porno!" He fell on the floor and wept.

Cassie wiped a tear from her eyes. Prince Jake nodded sadly...as though he understood...

As though he understood...?

Tobias reached over and patted him on the shoulder. Rachel jumped off of him, landing on her feet.

"It's okay man."

"No it's not!" Marco yelled. "You can't sympathize dude!"

"I can! I..." He blushed. "I'm a massochist." He lowered his head in shame.

Rachel spoke next, tears flowing down her face. "And...and I'm a sadist!"

She burst into sobbing. Tobias and Rachel got in a group hug with Marco, sobbing. I felt so deeply moved! I almost said my secret out loud. Then I swore I heard Tobias whisper into Rachel's ear

"I love you just the way you are, baby." He sounded like he really, really meant it.

Aww...how sweet! Unconditional love!

Or not...

and her reply

"Same here!"

I shook my head.

I must be having hearing problems...must be...

Cassie sobbed aloud. She turned to Prince Jake.

"I...I cheated on you with Ax!" and I closed my main eyes in shame! She ran to the group hug and they pulled her into their embrace.

He sobbed aloud.

"I know!"

Then he ran to join the group.

I stood unsure. They all looked up at me.

"Well Ax man?" Marco said. "What's up with you, Blue Boy? (That's for you Jinako-chan!)

I blushed furiously.

(Well...I...I uh...) My hearts pounded. I wanted to just faint right then!

Tobias nodded encouragingly at me.

"Yes, Ax man?"

I began to whimper. Then blubber.

Then I cried out with all the agony of my soul

and said ( I'M GAY!)

They all stared for a few minutes while I fell to my belly and covered my face in shame.

"Well..." Marco said. "That was...unexpected..."

"Yep. Sure was." Prince Jake said.

I felt confused. "You're...you're...not disgusted!" I asked.

"N-no!" Cassie said, smiling. "Just...bewildered..."

"Me too." Prince Jake said.

"Count me in!" Marco said. Then we made eye contact and he, I must say it was rather polite of him, began trying not to smirk.

Tobias smiled. "There, see Ax man. We all like you!"

And he pulled me into their Animorph embrace! Wheee!

I couldn't help but smile.

Rachel was now trying not to laugh, with Marco. They both had "I KNEW IT!" looks on their faces.

I sighed. They would never let me live this down now! Maybe Rachel would, eventually...

But Marco! Never!

Oh, well. At least no one was disgusted with me!

Then Erek the Chee appeared.

I stared in terror! No! He had heard my sacred secret!

He saw my expression and said. "Don't worry Aximili! Your secret is safe with me."

I smiled, relieved.

"And the other Chee."

Taxxon paste.

(How! Are they here watching us too!) I screamed. The Animorphs looked nervously around, eyes wide with fear.

(No. Via Chee Net.)

"Oh! That's great!" Marco snapped. "Now all the Chee know I'm a porn addict!"

Erek smiled. Then his hologram disappeared and he looked up at all of us, now in Chee form.

"I...I wanted to tell you all!"

"What is it Erek?" Prince Jake asked, his eyes so full of kindness and sympathy.

So shiny and luminous and...

Sorry...got distracted back there.

"I...I..." The thousand year old android broke down sobbing. "I'm a STALKER!"

The other Animorphs cried. Marco cried, and laughed, while pointing at Erek.

And we pulled him into the Animorph embrace too.

Soon we were all laughing.

"We're all so cheesy!" Rachel laughed.

"And pathetic!" Prince Jake agreed.

"It's okay. We're only human!" Marco said.

"Well..." She looked at me. We all laughed again. "Hey! Speak for yourself!" Tobias said to Marco. He stared, then laughed. We all felt much better afterwards, even Erek.

He looked around at all of us.

"You...you have no idea how much I've struggled...how long I've struggled with this! So long!" He broke down weeping, or as best an android can, anyway. Cassie looked sadly at him, said "Awww! It's okay Erek.", and comforted him. Or tried to anyway.

"Well." Prince Jake said, smiling at all of us. "No more! No more will we struggle in the dark! Now, we all have eachother!"

"Oh man!" Marco groaned. "This won't turn into some mushy, Animorph Support Group will it!"

Prince Jake smiled. "Nooo, no! Don't worry, man! Trust me. It won't be. It'll just be..." He looked nobly off into space. "It'll just be us Animorphs, Chee, and Ax, united together! Fighting not only the Yeerks, but our sad, deranged, pathetic inner selves too!"

Everyone stared awed.

Cassie sniffed and wiped tears away. "Wow, Jake! That was just...so beautiful!"

"A natural, born leader. I tell you..." Erek said, smiling and shaking his android head.

Prince Jake blushed.

"Thanks! It...it was nothing...really."

"Hey!" Marco said. "What about you! You never mentioned your vice!"

"Yeah Jake!" Rachel said. "What's yours?"

Prince Jake seemed thoughtful.

"I don't know..." He blushed and laughed a little. "I don't think I have one..."

Everyone stared.

I thought of Prince Jake's little nights naked on the beach, but decided not to say anything. Besides, was nudity a vice? Would it be considered on for a human? It certainly wasn't one for an Andalite! I smiled at that thought! Ha! I decided it wasn't.

"Wow." Tobias said. "Jake, you're so...normal!"

"Yeah!" Rachel said. "How do you do it cousin, buddy!"

Prince Jake shrugged. " I don't know... I just do."

"Wow. Normalcy. That's got to be a record! Especially in this group!" Marco said.

Prince Jake smiled and blushed.

"Thank you, I...do try!"

"It must be so difficult!" Cassie cried out.

"Yes." Prince Jake said nodding solemnly. "Yes it is..."

Cassie turned to Erek. "So who are you stalking now!" She was almost giggling with excitement.

"Uh...well..."

"Let's never mention this day again. Ever." Marco said.

"Agreed." Prince Jake replied.

looks over at corner at Birdie num num

"Uh, you're gonna have to stop typing that."

Oh no. Crap!

"Stop her!"

click click! "Upload! Upload! Add chapter! Add chapter! Work schmunkey! Work!"

"Yessss!"

Jake. "NOOOO!"

Ax tackles Birdie num num

"Hey!"

(Wait. How did you hack into my diary anyway, human!)

"Oh, so THAT'S where you're keeping it now, eh!" Marco.

(N...nooo...not exactly...)

"Heh heh heh...Can't fool me..."

Birdie (still on floor under Ax) licks Ax's face.

"Oooh baby!"

Marco. "Oh yeah, he's gonna be 100 gay by the end of this year!"


	8. The Definite Cure for Thumb Sucking is, ...

DISCLAIMER: Ididnotcreatetheanimorphs.Iamnotthewriteroftheanimorphs!!!  
  
There! I said it! Got it out of the way! WHOOHOOO! Go mee! Go meee!  
  
Dedications; as usual, anybody who likes it.  
  
Entry 7  
  
Oh. My. STARS!  
  
Marco's mother is Visser One! So sad!  
  
I don't know what I'd do if my mumsy was a Visser...  
  
Hooo....scary...  
  
The poor little primate. I've made a resolution to be nicer to him. He hates pity though...  
  
Heh heh heh...  
  
POOR LITTLE MARCOOOO! AWWWW!  
  
Heh heh heh...I feel better now.  
  
The little porn addict.  
  
Hm...huh huh...  
  
He's so little, and tan, and cute and even smaller than Cassie, and sort of a blend in color between her and Prince Jake. Soooo cute!  
  
Mmmm...so small and...  
  
WHOO! Okay! Sidetracking into 'California' again!  
  
I have watched human pornography at Marco's house before while he was in the kitchen making popcorn (this was before his confession!), and changing the channel quickly when he came back in. Ah, the remote control. He tells me it should have been a hint that he even had a porn channel. He says you have to order them separate, or something.  
  
Hmm...note to self; must sneak in Prince Jake's house and search his channels!  
  
Really, it's the finest invention humans have ever created...  
  
T.V., I mean.  
  
Anyways. Really, I'm surprised any of them survive to breed at all; humans, I mean. They're so...so...VIOLENT during mating! They LEAP on eachother and BITE eachother and at times it looks like they're EATING certain parts of the other person. It's quite frightening! I don't think I want to be with Prince Jake now. Not if he's going to chew on me!  
  
Hmm...maybe I could gag him or something. Yes. That might work...  
  
What is that Tobias?  
  
Well obviously they're not eating eachother! I do have intelligence! I am and Andalite, after all.  
  
I was just saying they look like they are!  
  
And what would YOU know about that Prince Experience-Femini-Plentyus?!  
  
Hah! Rachel wouldn't let YOU do that!  
  
Well...never mind...she probably would. You're right, I'm sorry.  
  
I keep forgetting about that little meeting.  
  
Caught Erek watching Prince Jake in the shower yesterday. (Never mind what I was doing there. At least I had the sense to take fly morph and stay on his bathroom wall!!! Oooh fly eyes! SO MANY PICTURES!) Anyways, the water caused Erik's hologram to be dissolved.  
  
RIGHT IN FRONT OF PRINCE JAKE! IT WAS SO FUNNY. I NEARLY DIED LAUGHING. DIED!  
  
Prince Jake just stared for a second. Erek, in Chee form, looking as shocked as a Chee can. Me snickering in fly morph. Erek ran through the shower mist, and exploded through the bathroom door, as only a Chee can, and left a Chee shaped hole in the door. A second later, we heard the sound of glass breaking as Erek jumped through Prince Jake's window. Leaving poor Prince Jake staring through the Chee shaped hole, blinking, shocked.  
  
And I fell off the wall, snickering away in fly morph. Some how, I ended up near the tub, got sucked down the drain, and had to struggle my way out.  
  
And demorph before I nearly died of near squashed, rain drowned, fly body. Right in front of Prince Jake. It was so awful. I nearly died of embarrassment. Died!  
  
He stared at me a second. Then he started laughing ludicrously. Then his laughing turned to crying. And I mean wailing. He shook his head, unbelieving. Then he ran, sobbing, (still without any manufactured artificial 'fur' on), and got under his covers, and curled up in the fetal position, and sobbed. I believe he was holding a teddy bear as well. His sobbing became muffled as he stuck his thumb in his mouth and began to suck. He was quite unresponsive when I tried to talk to him, except he tried to scream with his thumb in his mouth and it came out as mere MMMH! MMMH! MMMMMMH! MMMMH! MMMH! I left; not wanting to upset him anymore. I figured he needed some time alone.  
  
Oh dear. He may still be there...  
  
The next day...  
  
Prince Jake still sucking thumb. Was rather worried, as he did it all during the meeting. Marco stared. Cassie looked worried. Rachel just gaped, mouth open. Tobias flitted around nervously; every few seconds, stopping and cocking his head and looking at Prince Jake in fascination and horror. (I guessed it to be mostly fascination!) The meeting was in Prince Jake's room, as he had called every one and told them he was too nervous to leave home. Cassie said "It must be stress, poor Jake. And it must be so hard for him, being normal around us and all!"  
  
"Shhh!" Marco hissed. "Don't talk about that now! You'll upset him even more!!!"  
  
Prince Jake let out a little AAAH! when I entered, but his thumb was still in his mouth, so it sounded more like MMMH! His eyes didn't change while he did. He just kept staring wide eyed at the wall opposite him. He went on sucking, and blinking.  
  
Then stupid Erek had to show up out of nowhere! Prince Jake actually pulled his thumb out, eyes still staring at the wall and screamed a few times. Then he went back to quietly sucking; a worried look on his face.  
  
Everyone else looked very confused.  
  
Then, (THANK GOODNESS!) the Ellimist showed up.  
  
"Ple-heeeeaaase!" I sobbed, on my knees in front of him in human morph. "Please help him! I'll do anything!"  
  
ANYTHING? The Ellimist asked, smiling.  
  
"Yes!" I cried. "And Erek!" I added. "Won't you, EREK?!" I screamed at him.  
  
Erek nodded desperately at the Ellimist.  
  
"SEE!" I sobbed. "We'll do anything! Just help him PLEEEAAAASE!"  
  
ALRIGHT. CASSIE?  
  
"Yes, Ellimist?" She stood, from sitting next to Prince Jake on his bed.  
  
TAKE JAKE'S THUMB OUT OF HIS MOUTH. He instructed.  
  
Cassie did. Prince Jake let out a whine. He began to whimper a little and try to put it back in his mouth. Cassie struggled to hold his hands down. He continued staring at the wall.  
  
FIGHT HIM, NOW! OKAY. NOW. KISS HIM!  
  
I looked shocked. I glared at the Ellimist angrily. The...the...old...ooooh!  
  
He grinned at me. YOU SAID YOU WOULD DO ANYTHING. He said to me privately.  
  
I watched jealously as Cassie kissed Prince Jake. A kiss you see on the Young and the Restless, or These Messages for diamond rings. I tried desperately not to blubber; my heart broken. Prince Jake stopped fighting her and trying to put his thumb in his mouth, and his eyes closed, slowly.  
  
When Cassie finally pulled away, Prince Jake had a dreamy, peaceful, relaxed look on his face. He blinked as if coming out of a dream. Widened his eyes. He looked around him.  
  
"Guys? Hey!" He laughed a little; very surprised.  
  
Then he saw me on my knees and blushed. He saw Erek and blushed more. Yes. He still knew. The Ellimist (Stupid stupid stupid!) hadn't erased any of his memory. He had just snapped Prince Jake out of his reverie...or shock...  
  
"What's going on?" Rachel said, still gaping, with her mouth open.  
  
"Honestly? I have no clue." Marco said, shaking his head.  
  
Suddenly Rachel's mouth closed. Now she looked puzzled. Cassie was seated on Prince Jake's lap, and she was making the teddy bear dance in their laps, and making it 'kiss' Prince Jake's nose.  
  
"Hey..." Rachel said. "Wait a second! What's my Bobo Bear doing IN HERE, ANYWAY?!)  
  
Prince Jake just pretended to go back to sucking his thumb.  
  
Anyways...sorry I haven't updated in a while! Hope you guys enjoyed that! Wheee! WHEEEEEEEE! Whooo - hoooo! 


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